どうしよう?!

pictures and thoughts from rural Japan

Jul 24

It’s weird.

I leave my village in just over 48 hours.

I’ve been so busy between nomikais and goodbyes and cleaning and packing and getting all my accounts shut down.

It doesn’t really feel like I’m leaving, but my body and brain definitely know.

The weirdest thing is that I feel like i just want to be alone, just shut myself away in my apartment until it all passes.

I guess that’s just part of not wanting to leave, though. If I stay here all day I won’t have to cancel the accounts or say goodbye.

It won’t really hit me until I’m on my way, I guess.


Jul 22

Goodbye thing went by without a hitch.

Cried a bit but not as much as I thought I would. Read my speech and it all went well.

Only bad thing was a big ass mucus string came out of my nose when I was crying at the beginning of my speech and I had to grab it and wipe my face like an idiot.

Still, feel pretty good. I get to spend my last lunch with my first years, and then it’s all over.


>have to give goodbye speech in front of everyone

>kids will perform for me

oh god I just want this day to be over so I can go home and sob in a corner

but at the same time I don’t wanna leave muh babies


Jul 21

>people on Facebook who only message you when they want you to do a favor for them

>’hey none of my other friends are responding so can you look this up for me in japanese?’

at least interact with me at times other than you needing my help


Jul 20

I stopped at a 7-11 on my way to the train station this morning. As I get out of the car, the car pulling out rolls down its windows.

"SENSEI!!"

6 AM and two of my third years boys are waving at me. I wave back.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"Otsuki Station!"

"Oh, me too!"

"EHHHHH?!"

"I’m going to Shikoku."

In unison, they responded “SHIKOKU?!”

"Yep! See you!"

Later I caught up to their car and they gave me a little bow/wave.

It was such a nice little thing to warm up my morning.


Jul 18

>mfw saying goodbye to my elementary kids for the last time

I’m gonna miss those little rascals. So much.


>tfw succ doesn’t show up or respond to facebook messages again

It’s like she doesn’t want to talk to me and find out more about what she’ll be doing.

At this point, honestly, I’m really irked. I’ve done a lot of stuff to help her, like making the big village guide, giving her the cell phone I paid for, celling her my car for half price to front shaken

The least she can do is give me a phone call so I can know more about her. The whole point of talking to her last night was so I could tell the kids more about her today! 

At least the smiling faces of my elementary schoolers will heal me on my last day there. 


Jul 17

I got back late from an awesome nomikai, so I messaged my succ to let her know I’d be late.

25 minutes after the meet time, she hasn’t read the message.

I sent her another one just now saying ‘heyyyy whenever is good!’ so hopefully that wakes her up…?

I’m not staying awake longer than midnight though. :A


I had my last school lunch today with my middle schoolers.

None of them seemed like they wanted to talk to me.

I tried to hop into their conversation (in Japanese!); they either answered me with one-word answers or just ignored me.

During a pause I changed the subject to ask about their summer plans and they gave me little answers before going back to the other topic and leaving me out again.

At the end of lunch, I half-jokingly told the teacher that ‘it was kind of sad since nobody wanted to talk to me’. He went right over to the kid sitting next to me, who was like “What?! You didn’t say anything!”

"I did too! I tried to jump in your conversation but you guys ignored me or didn’t talk to me!"

I kind of put on the playful ‘hmph, I see how it is!” and walked out of the classroom, but I’m pretty sure some of them saw how upset I looked when I walked away.

I mean, I understand. They’re 9th graders. They care about me about as much as any other teacher - not at all. They’ve got their own world going on.

Maybe I’m just being selfish.

At least I have school lunch with my elementary schoolers tomorrow. And at least they’ll make a little more conversation with me.


Jul 16

raynedropsonwindowpanes said: D:

I don’t mean to rant, but I’ve messaged her three times about Skyping to talk about stuff and just kind of get to know her, since Facebook is the worst way to know who someone really is, but she either says she’s busy or sees the message and doesn’t reply.

At this point, I want to talk to her just to feel more relaxed about moving. I love my kids so much; my worst fear is leaving them to someone who’s either not going to do a good job or freak out and leave before the job’s even begun. It’s a stupid feeling I want to get out of the way so I can focus on ending my time here well.

I wonder if my pred felt the same way. But I had some time to bond with my pred and show him that I was competent, so I don’t think he was too worried about leaving his babies with me to become my babies.


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